an open letter [incomprehensibly Australian terms painstakingly transliterated into Japanese]

Dear G'day, teacher who is still convinced I'm American even after one term,

I lived in Florida for a year and worked there on break. This does not make me American.

I'm as Aussie as you are. No, you're a second generation Greek immigrant; I take that back: I can trace my family back to one of the first bloody convicts¹; I'm more Australian than you are².

I ride my kangaroo to class every day, where I turn in aerial photos of my pet koala taken by attaching my camera to a boomerang. At lunch I have Vegemite sandwiches and a pint. After class I go surfing and only barely avoid being eaten by sharks or stung by jellies, and when the sun goes down, I go and wrestle some crocodiles for fun. My sisters glow and I plunder. For dinner I toss another prawn on the barbie. At night I camp by a billabong under the shade of a coolabah tree.

My Christmas dinner was a roast ostrich. That I had Mum send me from my backyard. Because I'm that Australian.

In fact, I'm so Australian that I'm pretty sure my Digimon partner's going to evolve into a platypus one day.

Going to wear a cork hat to class tomorrow and finish every sentence with "mate", mate,

Ash

1: I'm joking. My auntie who's been doing the family tree says our ancestors were legit emigrants.
2: Also joking.

This whole post is a joke but I figured those two were the most blatantly offensive.

(OOC: I myself am actually a first/second generation immigrant (I was tiny) to New Zealand; if anyone told me in seriousness they were more of a New Zealander than me, a ditch would be smacked. :|)